Late Show with David Letterman

Former President Bill Clinton plugs his new book and explains why he can't be his wife's running mate; Patti Scialfa performed "A Town Called Heartbreak."

Dave apologizes to Sue Hum for a pre-show accident; the show is interrupted by a performance of "Mark Twain Tonight!" starring Johnny Dark; Danny Devito plugs his new restaurant; Larry David (in his very first Late Show appearance) comments on Dave's hair; Avril Lavigne performs "When You're Gone."

In the midst of a citywide taxi strike, a cab is seen carrying people on the its roof and front hood; Biff makes a feeble attempt at seeing Jessica Alba in person; George Saunders plugs his new book; Manchester Orchestra (in their network television debut) performs "Wolves at Night."

Throughout the show, saxophonist Aaron Bing attempts to break the world record for the longest sustained note (and ultimately fails). Also, Arctic Monkeys perform "Fluorescent Adolescent."

Jodie Foster, Glen Hansard, and Marketa Irglova are the scheduled guests.

Prior to the show, Jude Brennan confronts Dr. Phil about Dave's "psychotic tendencies"; Deborah Lynn loses yet again on "Psychic Sandwich"; during his interview with Dave, Dr. Phil discusses at length the reasoning behind celebrity bad behavior; Suzanne Vega performed "Anniversary."

Viggo Mortensen, Kat Von D, and Daughtry are the scheduled guests. Plus, a special NASCAR Top Ten!

Martha Stewart and Fred Willard are the scheduled guests. Plus, a special Top Ten from Billy Bob Thornton!

Dave does an impression of Tony's reaction to an inaccurate monologue joke; Regis critiques' Dave's recent appearance on Oprah and plugs the 20th anniversary of his talk show; Chamillionaire (with a sizable string section) performed "Hip Hop Police."

Jamie Foxx, Jimmy Smits, and Will.I.Am are the scheduled guests.

Kate Walsh, Kevin Smith, and Rascal Flatts are the scheduled guests.

Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan drop by to promote their new project, "Bionic Guy"; 7-11 head honcho Jim Keyes comes up with another wacky promotion; Chaka Khan sings "Love Me Still."

Whoopi Goldberg and Melissa Etheridge are the scheduled guests. Plus, Stupid Human Tricks!

Henry Rife leaps over six taxicabs on an ATV; Paris Hilton dodges a string of questions regarding her stint in prison; Emile Hirsch plugs Into The Wild.

Sean Penn, Barry Sonnenfeld, and Ben Harper are the scheduled guests.

The show is interrupted by a businessman on a cell phone in the backdrop; Johnny Dark makes another appearance as Mark Twain; Alan gets beat up by an annoyed Mets fan; John Fogerty performed "Long Dark Night."

Throughout the night, Late Show interns attempt to parallel-park on 53rd Street; Dave reads "Top Ten Signs Your Team Isn't Going To Win the World Series" out of order; Alec Baldwin plugs "30 Rock" and gives parallel parking a shot; Faith Hill performed "Stronger."

Nicolette Sheridan, Tony Snow, and Rihanna are the scheduled guests.

Several audience members voluntarily present the Top Ten; Bob Newhart shares an amusing story about Frank Sinatra; Angela Kinsey talks about life in Texas; Iron & Wine performed "The Devil Never Sleeps."

George Clooney and Kid Rock are the scheduled guests.

Several elderly Alan Greenspan "groupies" stand outside the theater as the former Chairman of the Federal Reserve plugs his new book. Also, Jennifer Lopez discusses pregnancy rumors and sings "Do It Well."

A canned ham is almost given to an audience member; the "f*** you" guy brags about a winning lottery ticket; Stephen Colbert discusses "roughing it" and plugs his new book; Queens of the Stone Age perform "3's and 7's."

Anne Heche, Sue Johanson, and Mariza are the scheduled guests.

A pregnant Halle Berry plugs Things We Lost In The Fire and shows a 3-D ultrasound image that resembles Dave. Also, Eric Buss and his "Spring Snake Symphony" (375 snakes-in-a-can) perform Strauss' "The Blue Danube."

Marc Odgers returns to the Late Show to leap over five interns; a security guard (Mike McIntee) tasers a runaway audience member; Connie Britton plugs "Friday Night Lights"; 50 Cent performed "A-Yo Technology."

Richard Simmons and Casey Affleck are the scheduled guests.

Dave (amongst others) discusses a fire in the theater basement that occured earlier that day; staff writer Bill Scheft comments on the possible writers' strike; Jimmie "JJ" Walker explains the differences between the BET and TV Land Awards; LeAnn Rimes performed "Nothin' Better To Do."

Tonights guests include Steve Carell, Chris Russo and Band of Horses perform “Is There A Ghost.”

Mac n' cheese is the latest food item that Sue Hum offers Dave (and promptly rejects); the lovely Amanda Peet plugs Martian Child, but a clip of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians airs instead; Patrick Warburton discusses living in Oregon; comedian Jeff Caldwell riffs on HMOs and birth control.

Two marathon runners interrupt the monologue (one week early, it shall be noted); to honor the possible WGA strike, Bill Scheft chooses not to reveal the punchline to a Dick Cheney joke; Jerry Seinfeld plugs Bee Movie and gets caught in the crosshairs on "Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview"; Joe Torre dodges questions about his next managerial gig.

An excerpt is revealed from President Gerald Ford's posthumous memoirs; Alan Kalter hosts "This Is Your Lunch," looking back at Dave's last meal (lasagna); guitarist Slash plugs his autobiography; in her network TV debut, Nicole Atkins performed "The Way It Is."

The 26th annual "New Halloween Costumes" segment includes a Hillary Clinton pantsuit, an overstuffed glove compartment, and Spongebob's less-than-beloved cousin "BrillopadTed SquarePants". Also, in the event of a strike, Dave reads off two weeks' worth of potential punchlines, while Penn & Teller turn quarters in a waterbowl into goldfish.

With a writers' strike now looking very likely, "Mrs. Letterman" (Jude Brennan) nags Dave into doing some housework; Stupid Pet Tricks include a pit bull terrier that plays the drums and a cockatoo that likes the Backstreet Boys; Bill Scheft interrupts "Alan Kalter's Foreign Affairs Minute" to remind the audience that the WGA needs the public's support; Ryan Adams & The Cardinals performed "Everybody Knows."

Etch-a-sketch artist George Vlosich becomes the latest person to do a portrait of Biff Henderson; Bill Murray discusses his ongoing legal troubles in Sweden and plays On-Star operator on Dave's desk phone; comeback kid Jay-Z performs "Roc Boys."

Dave returns from an eight-week hiatus with a full beard and his writing staff intact; an audience Q&A bit is interrupted by Bill Scheft; ten striking writers present the Top Ten; Robin Williams discusses his recent USO trip to Iraq; after a 16-year layover, "Hal Gurnee's Network Time Killer" returns to the Late Show; associate producer Nancy Agostini appears on "Know Your Staff"; Lupe Fiasco performs "Superstar."

Dave's beard gets a key to the city, courtesy of Mayor Bloomberg; a wayward WGA picketer wanders around in the backdrop; Hal Gurnee's latest Network Time Killer is a "balloon drummer"; Ellen Page plugs Juno; Roger Bart, Sutton Foster, and Chris Fitzgerald perform a song from the musical "Young Frankenstein."

Dave admits that he's getting tired of the beard, then confesses to feeling sick over his new "feud" with Rosie O'Donnell; Dave and Donald Trump talk football; talent coordinator Sarah Billington appears on "Know Your Staff"; Shooter Jennings performs "This Ol' Wheel."

Tom Hanks and Mike Huckabee are the scheduled guests.

Lucy Liu and MGMT are the scheduled guests. Plus, Bill Medley (of Righteous Brothers fame) sits in with the band!

Morgan Freeman and Chuck Prophet are the scheduled guests.

Howard Stern and Ayo are the scheduled guests.

Tracy Morgan, Kat Von D, and Dropkick Murphys are the scheduled guests.

Katie Holmes, Frank Caliendo, and Maroon 5 are the scheduled guests.

An audience member claims to know Dave's ex-wife, who apparently now lives in Florida; the show is again interrupted by radio transmissions from Lt. Len Easton of the California Highway Patrol; Mike McIntee and Harold Larkin play "Can Two Guys and Their Dead Friend In An Office Chair Hail a Cab?"; Don Rickles plugs his DVD Mr. Warmth and throws a few zingers at Dave and fellow guest Denzel Washington.

Throughout the night, Tony and Dave play the Spanish-language version of "Wheel of Fortune"; Michael Douglas talks skiing and plugs King of California; an old AC/DC song is butchered on "Gary-oke with Gary Mintz"; Wyclef Jean performed "Sweetest Girl."

Sylvester Stallone, the Teutul Family, and The Mars Volta are the scheduled guests.

Dave begs Gaines to stop feeding in phone calls from the California Highway Patrol, which interrupts the show three times. Also, in her first Letterman appearance in two decades, Diane Keaton kisses Dave and admits to being astounded by her costars in the movie Mad Money.

The Bruce Willis Secret Word of the Night is "Muffin"; during an audience Q&A segment, one man flips out over Chris Dodd's decision to drop out of the presidential race; Sarah Michelle Gellar shows photos from a recent vacation; Dan Patrick plugs his new column in Sports Illustrated; Ringo Starr (featuring Dave Stewart) performs "Liverpool 8."

Senator John Edwards, Diablo Cody, and Josh Ritter are the scheduled guests.

Charles Grodin, Lawrence Tynes, and The Redwalls are the scheduled guests.

Lt. Len Easton is caught annoying Dave and interrupting "Larry King Live"; Dave is repeatedly distracted by a photo of Mitt Romney; Andy Kindler visits a life coach; Sen. Barack Obama presents the Top Ten (via satellite); Dave gives an audience member a pizza; Super Furry Animals performed "Neo-Consumerism."

Nathan Lane and Jake Johannsen are the scheduled guests.

Jessica Alba, Julie Chen, and The Whigs are the scheduled guests.

Lt. Len Easton calls up C-SPAN's "Washington Journal"; Bill Cosby shares an antedote about his recently deceased mother; teen jazz prodigy Matt Savage and his trio perform "El Fuego."

An audience member gives Dave a gold hat, which Paul wears; Lt. Len Easton pops up on "Sex Talk with Sue Johanson"; a clothing-optional airline is the subject of several gags, including the Top Ten; two more audience members react poorly to the latest election news; Dr. Phil discusses viral encephalitis and his botched "chat" with Britney Spears; Gary Allan performs "Watching Airplanes."

Eva Longoria and Colbie Caillat are the scheduled guests. Plus, Stupid Human Tricks!

Paris Hilton, Artie Lange, and Vampire Weekend are the scheduled guests.

Dave discusses at length the New York Giants' upset Super Bowl victory; Senator Hillary Clinton jokes that her choice of running mate has come down to Dave or Regis; Sheryl Crow performed "Love is Free."

Matthew McConaughey, Gary Mule Deer, and Sheryl Crow are the scheduled guests.

Eli Manning and A Fine Frenzy are the scheduled guests.

Lt. Len Easton interrupts "Know Your Current Events"; Kate Hudson plugs Fool's Gold and talks football; Jack Hanna introduces Dave to an African Warthog (which Dave likes) and a cobra (which freaks him out).

"Late Show Fun Facts" is interrupted by a ticket scalper (Mike McIntee); Colin Farrell plugs In Bruges and gives Dave a fedora; Lenny Kravitz performed "Bring It On."

While fielding a question about Oprah tickets, Dave accidentally breaks one of his pencils in half; a certain panicky audience member is confronted by Dr. Phil in the theater hallway; Kate Walsh shows off her new puppy; Jason Sudeikis discusses his famous uncle; OK Go (featuring Bonerama) performed "A Million Ways."

Evangeline Lilly and Brad Paisley are the scheduled guests.

Dave obsesses over his orange tie; live via satellite, a man with a black eye won't talk to Dave; Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan drop by to plug their (fake) new show, "American Conquistadors"; Martin Short takes a jab at the paparazzi and sings a parody of "Maybe This Time"; Oscar nominee Amy Ryan plugs Gone Baby Gone.

Regis Philbin and Joseph Arthur are the scheduled guests.

Charles Barkley talks hoops and dodges questions about running for governor of Alabama; a CBS executive stops the show to grill Dave; comedian Bill Burr riffs on the elderly.

Dennis Quaid and Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings are the scheduled guests.

Bill Scheft apologizes for a bad Dick Cheney joke, citing tainted roast beef; after Dave mentions the resignation of Fidel Castro, a certain angry audience member pummels four CBS Pages; Dave meets "Millionaire Matchmaker" Todd Pendleton, who turns out to be a phony; Ray Davies performed "In a Moment."

Paul stars in a spoof of VH1's hit reality show "Rock of Love"; Martha Stewart and Emeril Lagasse read the Top Ten; grocery-bagging champ Erika Jensen takes Dave to school; Foo Fighters perform "The Pretender."

Steve Martin is the scheduled guest. Plus, a hand shadow demonstration!

Lt. Len Easton resurfaces; "Harry Letterman" is spotted having a smoke backstage, and later flirts with Paul's teenage daughter; Diddy promotes the upcoming made-for-TV production of A Raisin in the Sun; Al Lubel does stand-up.

Live via satellite, Osama bin Laden accepts an Academy Award; Will Ferrell plugs Semi-Pro and pays homage to "The Sound of Music"; Michael McDonald performed "(Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher."

Courtney Cox, Thomas Friedman, Chingy, and Ludacris are the scheduled guests.

"AMPTP President Nick Counter" and "Writers Guild Executive Director David Young" call a truce... and make out; in tonight's remote, Andy Kindler visits a toy convention; the latest Kid Scientist experiments from Naperville, IL include gravity-defying water and a crudely-built hovercraft; Kenna (featuring N.E.R.D.) performed "Say Goodbye to Love."

Amy Adams, Jamie Oliver, and Liam Finn are the scheduled guests.

Woody Harrelson discusses "tea-bagging" while kite surfing and plugs Semi-Pro; a cat scratching post is the latest object on "Will It Float?"; British comedian Tommy Tiernan riffs on child-rearing.

Jim Carrey and Paula Abdul are the scheduled guests.

Dave comments on the Gov. Eliot Spitzer scandal; the backdrop scalper (Mike McIntee) tries to sell Dave some Snoop Dogg tickets, even though he's on the show; Martha Stewart describes how to make a "white wine Spitzer"; Snoop Dogg plugs his youth football league and performs "Sensual Seduction."

Charlize Theron, Lewis Black, and British Sea Power are the scheduled guests.

Dave tears up a new five-dollar bill and ketchup spills out; the 2008 Wild Turkey Bourbon Grand National Gobbling champs strut their stuff; "Johnny Twain" drops by to tell Jeff Foxworthy-style "redneck" jokes; Graham Colton performed "Best Days."

Jaime Pressly and Brian Regan are the scheduled guests.

Rainn Wilson, Mike Golic, Mike Greenberg, and Bell X1 are the scheduled guests.

Dave gives an update on his tick infection; a man from Texas plays "What's In The Soup?" at Hello Deli; Al Franken (D-MN) stumps for his US Senator campaign; Lauren Conrad explains to Dave what a "frenemy" is; The Cribs perform "I'm A Realist."

Cameraman Dave Dorsett is caught drinking on the job; the cast of "Battlestar Galactica" reads the Top Ten; Dave and Brooke Shields discuss foot surgery; Alan recalls an unpleasant Final Four memory; SNL's Seth Meyers explains why he doesn't have a valid driver's license; The Gutter Twins perform "Idle Hands."

An audience woman shares her own tick bite experience with Dave; Alan narrates a history of the Ed Sullivan Theater, then cuts himself off to use the washroom; Demi Moore discusses leach therapy and plugs Flawless; Counting Crows perform "You Can't Count On Me."

Kate Bosworth, John Witherspoon, and The Raveonettes are the scheduled guests.

Brian Williams, Judy Greer, and Langhorne Slim are the scheduled guests.

After Kelsey Grammer shares a disgusting antedote about his pet, Dave theorizes that every great story ends with "...and then the dog ate it." His hypothesis is confirmed when "Heroes" star Kristen Bell shares a dog story of her own.

Kelly Ripa, The Black Keys

Dave discusses Harry's T-ball debut; the backdrop scalper tries to sell Papel Mass tickets a week late; Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan spend a day at New York Rangers' practice; Billy Crystal riffs on turning 60 and playing one game for the Yankees; Dave and Billy play tennis on 53rd Street with Maria Sharapova.

Dave recalls being stuck in an elevator, with time-lapse footage of his ordeal; Tina Fey plugs Baby Mama; Brett Favre makes it clear that he has no intention of returning to the NFL; Estelle performed "American Boy."

Ben Kingsley and Emmylou Harris are the scheduled guests.

Dave attempts to channel the spirit of President Harry Truman, but ends up getting his voice mail; with Rupert's assistance, a tourist from British Columbia takes a vacation photo with Dave; Steve Carell plugs Get Smart; Dr. John and The Lower 911 performed "Time for a Change."

Dave discusses watching his son play T-ball; Dave embarasses George Clarke by addressing him as Thomas Beatie (that pregnant transgendered guy); Will Smith plugs Hancock and appears on "Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview"; Fox Sports announcer Joe Buck comments on steroid and Viagra use in baseball.

After a gag about "Martian Ice" bombs, Dave gives the red-colored ice to an audience member; over at Hello Deli, Deborah Lynn plays "Psychic Gasoline" (and loses yet again); Charlize Theron discusses camping and plugs Hancock; Richard Belzer eulogizes comedy legend George Carlin, who passed away two days earlier; Motley Crue performed "Saints of Los Angeles

Following "Top Ten Signs It's Time To Wash Your Monkey," Lyle the Intern unsuccessfully tries to persuade Dave into opening a Pizza Hut franchise. Also, John Mellencamp performed "Troubled Land" and reminisces about living in Indiana with Dave

Will Ferrell, Adam Savage, and Jamie Hyneman are the scheduled guests.

Dave welcomes back Bill Scheft, who was sidelined with hip surgery; Small Town News is interrupted by a guy in a Batman mask; Amanda Peet plugs the "X-Files" sequel; "Mad Men" star Jon Hamm discusses summer trips to Florida; Augustana performed "I Still Ain't Over You."

John C. Reilly, Jane Mayer, and Grizzly Bear are the scheduled guests.

Featuring David Duchovny (The X-Files: I Want To Believe) and Black Kids (Partie Traumatic)

Dave describes an incident during the monologue where Inky's cue-cards went AWOL; Dave and Paul acknowledge the passing of ex-WMDB guitarist Hiram Bullock; Gillian Anderson discusses living abroad and her "make-out session" with Dave six years ago; We Are Scientists performed "After Hours."

Pamela Anderson, James Franco,Atmosphere

Paul Thoresen appears again to drop a 55-gallon water balloon on a '94 Chevy LeBaron convertible; Dave and Richard Simmons have another animated interview, in which the fitness guru stands and sings on the guest chair; Richard also appears on another tension-filled edition of "Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview"; in her first Late Show appearance in 13 1/2 years, Mary-Louise Parker plugs "Weeds" while Dave

Penelope Cruz, Randy Newman, Danny Way

Donald Trump discusses real estate in Abu Dhabi; "WIll It Float?" is played on the roof; Dwayne Kennedy riffs on the possibility of a black president

Tonight on "Get to Know Delaware," a fun fact about neighboring Pennsylvania; Dave's "son" throws a beer bottle at a green room TV; live from Denver, Biff fails to interview DNC Chairman Howard Dean; Olympic gold medalist Bryan Clay tosses a discus and a javelin at a taxi cab; Little Anthony and the Imperials perform "Hurts So Bad."

Olympic Gold Medalists Kerri Walsh & Misty May-Treanor, Neil Patrick Harris and Nas are the scheduled guests.

Water-balloon fiend Paul Thoresen drops a 55-gallon bomb on a convertable with three "tourists" (mannequins); the Democratic National Convention is over but Biff's still there; Amy Sedaris obsesses over Dave's shoe tassels; Kim Kardashian describes nearly losing her big toe and plugs Disaster Movie; Brian Regan does stand-up and promotes his upcoming TV special.